Just

Lindsey never bothered using the defense ‘we’re just friends’ when Carol Ann worked up the nerve to confront him about his relationship with his ex. It was partly because he wasn’t even sure if they were friends or not anymore (what did that word even mean in the context of their screwed up partnership?) and partly because he knew that everyone knew that he and Stevie weren’t JUST anything.

Sure, they were meant to be JUST bandmates now but that didn’t account for the way they clung to each other the day she told him about Robin, the way she cried and he cried, and he comforted and she clawed at his shirt, trying to climb into him. It didn’t account for the way they found themselves back in a hotel room one night, her legs tight around his waist, back against the wall, being fucked so hard he wasn’t sure he was in heaven or hell. ‘Just’ certainly didn’t encompass the fear he felt finding her passed out in the bathroom one morning or the consuming jealousy he experienced when she kissed a man in front of him. It didn’t explain how one morning he felt an irresistible urge to kiss her - just because he was happy - or how one night he couldn’t stop himself from lowering her to the sofa and running an eager hand up under her skirt.

So when Carol Ann sighed softly and rested her head on his bare chest one morning before looking at him with those wide eyes, he waited, drumming his fingertips against his leg in anticipation of the inevitable question. The way he’d walked into his home at 3 O’Clock in the morning, bite marks on his neck and scratch marks on his back, had made it inevitable.

"What’s going on with you two, Lindsey?"

And he was certain he’d never be able to answer that question. Not really. Not truthfully. Because he didn’t know what the fuck was going on with he and Stevie, never did. On the other hand, he knew better than anyone and he knew it deep in his heart - what was going with her was what had always been going on and probably always would.

They passionately loved each other, they bitterly disliked each other. More importantly, and the one thing that was a constant, they belonged to each other.

JNicole BarkerJComment